Her car was a bologna sandwich.
With cracked salt glass pouring out.
That you could fold in half and eat.
She couldn’t Remember Anything.
In her Dreams for a week.
I had slipped out of them when she awoke.
I was an asshole. Leaving her with a hospital bed.
But I got what I gave a few months later.
First to Be snapped and taken shortly after.
I was 15 and I cried in a coffee shop
and clenched my fists tight for eight months.
I released them eventually
These hands lay open as do my arms
and I Am 16 and the girl I Love is falling into my arms
Endless trains and flights in and out
That I really could not afford
The result looked liked my bank account,
And the World is over and my Heart is bruised enough
Only to Be taken out.
I got really fucked up.
I lost Myself completely.
I wasted a lot of time in darkness playing Tigers Jaw
and talking to Myself.
I Tried very hard to hold an image in my head
And pretend it was in my hands too.
met a girl that liked sad punk bands
and swam in her books
I never really gave her a chance
She didn’t like sticks or bugs
So I don’t Think it would of worked out anyways.
The girl that snapped my picture
We had meshed again. She fell for me very hard
like the car that crashed before I met her.
You were a really great girlfriend. I Promise.
And our Differences were entirely too Different.
I’m sorry. but I can’t really apologize for that either.
And I left you both because
I had not a clue. What I was Doing
I went to what I Thought I Knew
I was shitty and I’m Sorry the only words, I’ve spoken since, was;
"Can I have my books back."
And it’s been years really since I got close to Anyone.
After the two month period it got scary.
I went on five dates each coming with an anxiety attack.
Ending with that.
Although my recent one, I had just Forgot
but of course I still look shitty because it was her Birthday.
Instead I Married the Ocean and surfed her curves until the sun set.
I’m not really good at talking and I Am terrible to tell
if I Am Being approached.
It’s only obvious when it is way obvious.
good at This.
I Knew Nothing. That was my youth.
And the World is still Here.
It’s taken a long time even a bike ride across the country
to figure what I’m still working on out.
I can not tell you the Feeling in words
When you look in the mirror and you don’t even Know who is staring back at you.
I’m working on a hello, every Morning and
You are indeed Beautiful.
I sound like someone shitty with all the letters and vowels above
about these ladies I have been with; and it’s really only three.
I was actually great, and that’s for me to Know.
And I Hope you too.
I Do Know though, that I have not fallen in Love.
And I crave it some Mornings.
I Am Learning to Love Myself. And one day, it will Be completely.
There is so much more to what the Love we imagine.
What is Love? If you really dig and dive into it.
Let’s scrape away what we’ve been Doing All our Lives.
I Am ready to give you my worst pick up line,
look into your eyes with shitty coffee in diner cups between us,
and take your hand, and say get on This train with me.
But I Hope you are okay with the departure as Anywhere
And I Hope you also Know you are Free.
And when our fingers lace, Know that they are not ropes.
We are young, and we are still Learning
Be aware that I Am a shitty dancer
But I Love to Dance anyway.
And no, I Am not good at This
but I’m Trying.